I LOVE YOU, 3 YEARS AGO, NOW, AND FOREVER by hanindita

I LOVE YOU, 3 YEARS AGO, NOW, AND FOREVER

Winnona

Hyde Park in the morning. I always love the fresh air. It’s 7 am,  the time for work. Mmmm, Hyde Park, my favourite place in this entire United Kingdom after my cozy room, of course. Bless and curse. I found my first love here and also lost it here. Seems ironic, yeah. But we couldn’t never run away from destiny, right?

“ Buongiorno, bona”, A soft voice whisper in my left ear, I recognize the owner well, Carlotta.

“Good morning, Carlotta”, I gave my best smile to my Italian best friend. Carlotta and I are working at the same place and all I  can say is we are great partner. Her nationality is Italy but she was born and grown up here in London. Sometimes I wonder how her Italiano is as fluent as her English. And in additon, she really loves the moment whenever I try to speak Italian and she can laugh out loud.

“Your Italiano is still suck, huh? Come on, don’t afraid to speak up. Haha, you should’ve taken Italiano class last month, so what happen?”

“Actually Carlotta my dear, I hate you whenever you laughing my poor Italian. And by the  way, I’d love to, but I don’t have enough time to do this kinda activity”.

“Of course, because you spend all your time to think about your stupid first love, whom I forgot the name. Who cares about that jerk, anyway? Oh yeah, you do”. Again. This topic. Carlotta is my best friend who always understand me in many ways, in any crazy idea, but definitely not in my love life. She hates my first love so blindly, yeah, blind in the real term. I mean, she doesn’t even know him nor seen his face.

“Yes, I definitely do care about him. And Carlotta, I’d like to skip this topic if you don’t mind”.

“Come on, Winnona. Don’t stuck in this fuckin’ condition. Your life must go on. You know, there are many guys who will give anything to date you. Come on, you deserve the better guy. Just forget him. Forget his name, his laugh, his smile, his hugs and kisses, remember that he has chosen her, remember when you cried all night and day long –which is you still do till today, and remember, he’s gone forever. He has dumped you. Winnona, wake up, girl”.

“Carlotta, we were in no relationship. He wasn’t dump me out. He’s never be my boyfriend. I just deeply love him and he just....”

“Just gave you a fake chance. I knew. Believe me Winnona, that jerk has never wanted you. I told you, you deserve the best.  It’s time to wake up and browse another Prince. Just open your eyes widely, like I always do”. She showed me her Cinderella smile.

“I’m not like you, Carlotta. I can’t just easily open my heart for another guy. I mean, come on, he just left me for a second”.

“A second? Don’t pretend to sleep Winnona. It’s been 3 years since that guy left you. And you still give your stupid heart and tears for him? What a silly girl. Listen, why are you keep on wasting your time just for a guy who abandon you, who left you for a sexier hoe? He might never think about you, I’m sure”. You know, when she started to talk about that girl –the only reason he left me, the wound in my heart is starting to bleed. I really don’t want to talk  about this topic. But yeah, about the forget- him thing, I agree with her. I can’t deny she’s absolutely right.

“Come on, Winnie, it’s the time to please yourself”. Carlotta smile wisely.

“Grazie Carlie, for being the best sister and friend of mine. And you’re perfectly right”.

***

Autumn in Paris. A novel by Ilana Tan. A perfectly sad ending story. Tell about a couple that deeply in love each other without any condition. A perfect love that  impossible to unite because they are sibling. I can feel the bitterness and their misery... I  feel  the same level of misery. But the guy I love isn’t my sibling. I can’t say that I’m luckier than them. But at least, I’m not in love with my sibling. I wish my life was a novel. If my life was a novel, I couldn’t wait to  read the end. And skip all these misery.....

“Bonjour, Mademoiselle Winnona”. Carlotta greet me in......, wait, French?

“Bonjour. Carlotta, since when do you speak French? I don’t know you speak  French too”.

“Momento, I’ll order something first,then I’ll tell you”. Yeah, couple hours ago she told me to met her at restorante Italiano, Facinelli’s. The best Italian restaurant here. I can hear her talking to the waitress. She ordered latte macchiato lungo e ben caldo –hot milk with little coffee, in a large cup. And a platefull of coda a la faccinara –cow’s tail in tomato sauce. Italian traditional food.

“Winnie, don’t you want to eat or drink something?” Carlotta asked me.

“Espresso and a plate of croissant would be perfect match in this morning”. I have no appetite to eat something ‘heavy’ this morning.

“So what’s going on? About your French to be exact”.

“Oh yeah, I know you’re anxious”, she smiled, and continue “guess what? I met a guy couple nights ago at Kew Garden. Alfonso’s roommate. And he’s so damn georgeous. Tall, well-maintained body, sharp nose, just like a character in Michaelangelo’s painting”.

“And I bet he’s a Frencman?”

“Exactly”.

“And what happened then? He asked you to  went out with him and he grabbed your heart easily –like all guys did?”. I can guess the entire story. Yeah, easily. Because it’s the only thing she do in her life. Prince hunting. That what she called.

“Winnie, you can read my mind! Impressive! Should I call you Master Winnie, master of read-mind? Haha. You really have gift, my dear. God’s gift”. She winked her eye.

“Oh my God, it’s nothing. Even my eleven years-old cousin can read your mind without any difficulty. Just kidding. But yeah, it’s really nothing. It’s not a gift at all. I’m your bestie, Carlie, of course I know. That’s the only thing you do for lately 2 years –guys hunting”.

“Mmm, correct. But you were wrong in one thing. He wasn’t the one who asked me to went out. I asked him first, and he agree. He’s so cool and  gentle. You know, when we had our dinner, the band played my favourite song. Flightless Bird! That night was perfect! How sweet”.

“Oh come on, Carlie, don’t tell me, you are in love with him?”

“At the first sight!”. Oh come on, I should know the answer.

“Well, all I can say is don’t get hurt. Guys are all the same”.

“Winnie, don’t you realize that your tone of voice is full of bitterness? Haha, chill, I’m sure I can handle this. By the way, merci beaucoup”.

Full of bitterness? She may be right. But love is bitter. Especially love in my life...

***

Sebastien

I love Hyde Park. Especially in the morning. Bless and curse. I lost the only love in my life here. Because of my stupidity. How is her now? What is she doing? I don’t know. That’s ironic. 3 years ago, I was the first person in the world she would tell about everything she did. Now they were all gone. Maybe it’s the destiny God was created for us. We can’t never run from destiny, right?

I arrived in this city two  weeks ago. And now, I’m staying at my friend’s flat, Alfonso. He lives at a huge and really clean apartment. Which is, I like. And the most important thing that caught my attention is, it’s near Hyde Park.

“Hey, what are you thinking about? Girl, huh?”. Alfonso shocked me by his sudden appearing behind my back.

“Oh God, it’s you. You shocked me to death, dude. And nope, it’s nothing”. I don’t see the necessity for telling him the truth. I don’t want make he think that I’m a weak guy that still cry for his past.

“Okay then. Hey, are you busy tonight?”, Alfonso asked me.

“Mmm, nope. But I have a plan to go to Hyde Park”. Maybe it’s silly. But, I just want to memorize all my feelings to that girl. My Miss One and only. Memorize all my pain and totally surrender in situation.

“Perfecto! I just wanted to brought you there”. He’s smiling. And, wait, it made me suspicious.

“Bring me there... Wait, you’re not a gay, right? Make sure it’s not a date”.

“Are you crazy or nuts? I’m not. Of course not. Okay, let’s prepare. We’ll be ready two hours later”.

Mmm, should I go  with him? I just want to memorize my past all alone. just me and Winnona. Or at least, her shadow.

“What are you going to do  at this park? Want to meet up with someone? Who? New girl?”

“Nope. Just a friend.  My neighbour at Italy. She was just came back  from our hometown and my mom gave something to  me through her. She asked me to meet her here. She should be here by now”.

Couple  minutes later Alfonso’s cell-phone rang. He spoke in a fluent Italian with someone for several minutes and then put his cell-phone in his pocket.

“What’s going on?”. I asked.

“Damn, she’s in Kew Garden right now and wanna meet us there. I’m afraid we gotta go there”.

“Oh my God, that place is far from here”.

“So, hurry up. We are going to go for a long ride”.

Fifteen minutes and two cups of capuccino later...

“Alfonso!”, A soft voice called Alfonso from the corner of the park and a young beautiful lady came over. Mmm, what a seductively beautiful Italian lady. She’s just like a work of art. The finest one. With her long black hair, tall and well-maintained body –on the other hand, sexy-, and a perfect shape of lips, like an almond.

“Did I make you wait too long?” She said.

“Not too long. And tell me, how is my mom?”

“She’s completely in good condition. No need to worry, Mommy’s boy”. She’s laughing. And her smile is  really enchanting.

“Haha, very funny Carlotta. Oh, by the way, I want you to meet my friend, Sebastien Le Mercier. Sebastien, this is Carlotta Massi. Carlotta, this is Sebastien”.

“Nice to meet you, Miss Massi”.

“No, just call me Carlotta. And nice to meet you too, Mr. Le Mercier, hey, you must be a French, right?” She’s smiling. What a Cinderella smile. It makes me speechless for a second.

“Just Sebastien, and yeah, I’m a French”.

“Cool. I always want to be there one day. Oh God, sorry all, I gotta go. I’m sure my friend is waiting for me now. We’ll go for dinner”.

“It must be Winnona, right? How is her? Long time no see”. Wait, who is Alfonso talking about? Winnona?

“Nope. It’s not her. But yeah, Winnona’s pretty good”. Shhh, what was I just thinking? It must be another Winnona. My Winnona is not here.

Carlotta left couple minutes later and followed by Alfonso. He asked me to left with him, but I still wanna be here. I sat under the maple tree on the park bench at the corner of the park. This was the place where I met her at the first time. On spring 3 years ago. 3 years pass and my feeling remains the same. I miss her. Women come and go in my life, and my heart is still hers. I’m sure one day you’ll be back to me, Winnona. My Miss One and only...

I ain’t gonna cry, no.

And I won’t beg you to  stay,

If you determined to leave, girl,

I will not stand in your way

But inevitably, you’ll be back again.

Coz you know in your heart, babe, our love will never end,  no...

(David Cook – Always Be My Baby)

***

Three days later, Carlotta asked me to went out with her. For a dinner. For a second I speechless. I have no idea what to say. Accept or refuse. But finally, I accept her request. That’s the right time to move on. A perfect chance. A pretty girl asked me for dinner. That’s great.

What happen later really made me freaking out and “wow” at the same time. It was not  an ordinary dinner. A romantic dinner is a perfect name for this kind of condition. Outside table with candle? And wait, romantic song? Oh come on, in the first date? She’s too much. I don’t really like this kind of girl.

But, something change mind about her. She’s nice and talkative. We talked about many things. Mostly about herself. Her job, her family, hobbies –by the way, he has the same hobby as me, hiking. Such an intersting girl. I misjudge her at the beginning. She loves reading too, and art. Kind of Da Vinci, Michaelangelo, and Bernini thing. Mmm, educated one. I love it.

At the end of this dinner, she asked me for dance with her. A sure sign that she was interested in me. But, that fast? She’s really Italian. Okay, I’ll do it. But I don’t let her expect more. I’m not gonna kiss her. Slowly the song touch my ears. Flightless Bird. Oh my God, I love this song. Reminds me a lot about Winnona. Next, I just go with the flow. But at the end of our dance, she touched her lips to mine. She kissed me!! Gosh, I can’t believe it. Soft and tender kiss. I won’t deny, I enchanted...  At the first time, I forgot Winnona.

If I could freeze the moment in my mind

Be the second that you touched your lips to mine.

I’d like to stop the clock make time stand still

Coz baby this is just the way, I always wanna fell...

(Christian Bautista – The Way You Look at Me)

***

Carlotta

I love Hyde Park. I don’t know exactly why. Maybe because I always spend my spare time here with my best friend, Winnona. She’s my best sister ever. My friend that always understand me in any situation and in any crazy idea. But sometimes, I can’t understand her way of thinking about her love life. She’s really foolish girl that decided to keep on loving someone who hurt her heart so deep. Keep on waiting him for straight 3 years. He doesn’t deserve her love that much. No, he doesn’t deserve her love at all. I hate him so much. Because he grabbed my best sister’s heart and torn it into pieces. I won’t even remember his name. Winnona told me once. But my heart is too full of hatred to him. There’s no place even to remember his name.

Winnona is a really good and innocent woman. She deserve the best. That’s why I’ll do something for her. I have a good Italian friend, Alfonso. Seems that he’s interested in Winnona. I knew it. I’ll do anything for my dearest friend. She deserves happiness...

Couple days ago when I visited Italy, Alfonso’s mom asked me to gave some goods for him. And now, I’ll meet him to give the package at park. I forgot which park, so I decided to guess it. Kew Garden. And I’ll talk to him about Winnona. Almost an hour waiting for him, I feel something goes wrong. Oh My God!! I shouldn’t be here. The place is Hyde Park, not Kew Garden! I’d like to go there, but I’ve waste much time. I had an appointment with Lola at the different place. So I called Alfonso to asked him meet me here.

Few minutes later I saw him at park’s parking lot with someone. Better I call him. When I get closer to them, I just realized that Alfonso came here with an extremely handsome guy. He caught my eyes easily. Suddenly I felt a butterly in my stomach. A strange feeling.

You’re stare was holding.

Ripped jeans, skin was blowing.

Where you think you’re going, baby?

Hey, I just met you.

And this is crazy,

But here’s my number,

So call me, maybe?

(Carly Rae Jepsen – Call Me Maybe)

Yeah, I gave him my number. Maybe I’m in love with him at the first sight. I asked him to a first date and everything’s gone okay. We often spent our spare time together, makes me almost have no time for Winnona –which makes me feel guilty.

That’s why I arrranged a lunch for three of us.

“Pronto”. Someone call me.

“Where the hell are you? You said we’ll meet here at 1. But it’s over fifteen minutes and you’re not here yet?” Oh, Winnona getting mad on me. She doesn’t like waiting too long. But I wonder why she can waiting for that jerk for more than 3 years!

“Sorry my dear Winnie, I have to make sure that my presence is acceptable. Come on, my Prince Charming will be there too”.

“Okay, but don’t make me waiting for more than an hour”.

“As your wish, Maam”.

***

Winnona grumbled to herself when Carlotta said that she’ll coming late. Winnona was waiting for straight 35 minutes when someone came over her table and talk from her back.

“Excuse me, Miss. Are you Carlotta’s friend? She said that we’ll sit on the table beside the...”. Winnona turned her head and suddenly feel that the sky is falling down and feel like she’ll fall because of a terrible earthquake.

I know you,

I walked with you once upon a dream.

I know you,

The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam.

Once upon a time I dreamed we’d be together in love forever.....

(Once Upon A Dream – Ost. Sleeping Beauty)

Sebastien Le Mercier. The only love in Winnona’s life. The only reason she cries all nights long. The only reason she closed her heart for every guy. The one who hurt her heart so deep. Seems that Sebastien feels exactly the same. They both spechless for few second.  Then Sebastien starting to talk.

“Winnona... I can’t believe we met here”. He is starting to talk with her. But seems that Winnona started to leaving. She grabbed her bag and walk to the door. Sebastien lost her once, he doesn’t want to lose her anymore. Carlotta might a perfect woman and she caught his attention. But he can’t deny that deep in his heart, his heart is still Winnona’s. And nothing’s gonna change his love. So he hold Winnona’s hand tightly and say,

“You’re not gonna leave anywhere. You owe me a complete explanation. Why did you left me?” Sebastien can see her about to cry, but he won’t release his grip.

“Who left you? You were the one who did it. I saw you with that girl. Hyde Park 3 years ago, remember?” she can’t hold her tears any longer. Now the wound in her heart hurt again. She loves him and want to see him agaoin one day, that’s the fact she can’t deny. But today? And everything messed up, because he’s Carlotta’s boyfriend now. What a bitter truth. A side of her heart want him, really want to hug him just like 3 years ago. But the other side forbid it. She won’t betray her best friend.

“And where the hell have you been for  lately three years? You just gone without any reason, without told me what was my fault. Do you know you’ve ruined my life? Don’t you know you’re the only reason I’m here, in London? I’ve been waiting for you for straight three years in bitterness and misery. Day by day I try to see in the dark, hope you’ll come back”. Tears flow from her beautiful eyes while she’s speaking. A pain that hold for years and misery finally spitted out. She want him to know what she feels. The impact of his left.

“I’m so sorry, Winnie. I never meant to do those things to you. I thought you didn’t want me anymore. Thought you’ve found someone new. Believe me Winnona, I love you. I love you so much. I miss you. Please gimme one more chance. I wish that I can take all your pain away and be the one who wipes your tears. I love you Winnie, 3 years ago, now, and forever...”

Carlotta was standing next to the entrance door when she saw her boyfriend is in a serious conversation with her best friend. She cancelled her desire to came over. She decided to watch right on her place. And she can’t believe that Sebastien is the jerk who hurt Winnona three years ago. A guy that makes Winnona fall in a deep and unconditional love. A guy Winnona loves so much... Yes, now she remembered the name. But it’s too late. 

“But you’re with Carlotta now. How can I hurt her? She’s like my sister”

“I love you more, Winnie. Believe me, I’ll release your pain”.

“Yes, trust him. He’ll repair all the mistake he made, or I will be delighted to kill him”. Carlotta decided to came over and declare everything.

“Carlie! Oh my God, I have a good explanation about this mess. Please don’t get mad on me”.

“Nope. I don’t wanna hear anything. Now, you two, listen me carefully. Sebastien, I indeed love you.  But I love my bestfriend more. Take a good care of her and fix those mess up. Don’t dare you to make her cry, or I will kill you. Winnie, my dear, I’ve promised to myself to do anything that can makes you happy. You’ve experienced pain all your life, and now is the time of your happpiness. He was the one who hurt you. I believe that he’s the only one  who can fix it. No one else. Trust me, Winnie”.

Winnona can’t say anything and just hug Carlotta so tight. She’s so grateful for having the best friend and sister ever. Now all  the pain are gone. Hopefully forever...

I’ve  finally found someone, that knocks me off my feet

I’ve finally found the one, that makes me feel complete...

I’ve finally found someone,

Someone to share my life,

I’ve finally found the one

To be with every night.

Coz whatever I do, it’s just got to be you

My life has just begun,

I’ve  finally found someone...

(Brian Adams and Barbra Streissand – I’ve Finally Found Someone)

***