Speaking of love is fun, but sometimes it's too painful. Falling in love, it feels like there are fireworks that explode in our hearts when we see a smile from our beloved one. But it sometimes can be a broken heart pain, our heart feel like being mutilated.Well, this story began with a phone call that I received.
That day my phone rang. I saw there was an incoming call from an unknown number. Initially I ignored it at all. Sometimes this girl sent some teasing texts. I remained indifferent to it. But this person kept bothering me and I began to get harassed, upset, and I finally replied the text and asked this person who he was. He replied, “I'm a secret admirer of yours, prince”. That made me feel more disgusted. Every day this girl made me feel annoyed, angry and mad. I really hate this girl, but this girl never gave up even though I kept rejecting it.
Until one day, I fell in deep sorrow when I remembered about my old friend and she comforted me. Although it was just via telephone, I felt like my sorrow was getting released slowly. Then I started to think that God sent her to heal the pain I never experienced before. Day by day, she made me happy and laughing by reading the texts she sent. Eventually I started to have a weird feeling and try to ask myself. Do I fall in love to her? I was afraid to tell her what I felt. Until one day she also expressed her love to me. I also accepted it and try to establish a wonderful relationship with her. It was true of the people saying that the difference between love and hate was very thin.
I realized that I date her about 5 months. It was a unique story because of our long distance relationship without knowing each other face. All I know, her name was Tiara. She always cheered me up when I was sad or happy. “Hero”, that’s her favorite call on me. She was a singer who always sang nice songs for me. She was also a dancer, one of my dreamed criteria of a girl. He was also have some skills in cooking, which was one of my favorites. I thought she was the perfect girl for me. So, I did not ask her to come and see me because I wanted to know how deep her feeling regardless of the physical alone. Our story went just like that until finally came a happy day, her 17th birthday. At that moment I felt it was the time I saw her face and see her. However, I have to concentrate on my school and I was not able to go to her house because she lived far from my town. Unexpectedly, my friend said that she knew where her school was. I asked him to help me to give him my gift. My friend refused to help me but I kept begging and finally he accepted to help me gave her the gift. I was very happy to hear it until he received my gift three days later. He thanked me for the very special gift. I only gave her a warm white sweater. I asked her to keep it and wear it when we met someday.
Over time, my feeling got stronger on her. I was increasingly aware that she was the most valuable one in my life. She often called me and introduced me to her family. Her mother and sister were very friendly. I felt I was very close to them. Until finally I decided to exchange photos with her. I gave my best photo to her and she gave me a small-sized photos to put it in my wallet. Once I knew her face, I was not disappointed because I cared with her heart, not her physical condition. At that moment I knew that she was not disappointed to me. I was often told about her mother and family. They were happy to hear it. I was more touched as they all supported me.
Every night I always missed her. Now, one year had been passed. I was increasingly convinced that she was serious with me. Although I was unable to meet face to face with her. But our feeling could overcome all prejudices and temptations of long-distance relationship. It was very painful, especially when a sense of missed striked. But we should trust each other. Until that day came and changed everything. Days when I felt my heart struck by lightning when I heard the news. I still remembered it. At that time I was chatting with my sister with a snack on my hand. Tiara’s mother called me and told me that Tiara fainted at school and she was sentenced leukemia. I panicked and I dropped my snack. I did not know why, but I was suddenly afraid. Her mother said that Tiara did not want me to know. How could she lied to me all this time. It seemed the world had ended because the people I cared so much got a very deadly disease. I would love to be around her at this time but I can not, because my parents forbade me to go outside the town. I was still sitting in first grade of high school and banned from going outside the town by myself. Somehow I really wanted to see her condition.
The next day, her sister reported that Tiara should be in operation because of more severe illness. I was very sad to hear that. I felt completely useless because I was not there when she faced her hardest time. Here I always prayed for her. My daddy told me not to go anywhere alone to see a girl because I was banned from going outside the town. I could not say anything while the girl I cared of was waiting for me. I was so tormented that time. A few days after that, Tiara contacted me. I was happy but my heart was crying, because she spoke as if nothing happened to her. She was always smiling and kept telling jokes to me. I remember that time she said “My hero, don’t be sad. Your angel is with you and will never leave you. All will be fine”. But I felt like being slashed to hear that. I was not ready to lose her, and I would never be ready.
After that, Tiara often fainted and had to undergo therapy. She had to leave her daily activities for a total rest. I always encouraged her. Because that’s all I could do. Every time I prayed that there was a miracle from God. Since then, Tiara always called me and sent me melancholy poems.
I will not be able to greet the morning ...
Without you on my side ...
I would not be able to enjoy the sunset ...
Without thinking of you ...
When night falls ...
The number of stars can not replace yourself ...
Even the moonlight ...
Unable to comfort me ...
Without you ...
Beautiful night no longer matters ...
I really love you ...
You are a hero in my heart ...
Well, it made me more afraid of losing her. Either because I cared of her or because I felt sorry for her. I watched her become more frequent since then. I have never experienced feeling like this. She was the first person I cared of so much and I really expect her to fill my life, but what if her come only for her to go? I was asking God why we were reunited but then separated so quickly. Indeed, it is the death, the only thing that would separate us. I often saw on the television soap opera whose story was almost the same, widowed people who really loved and it can made them crazy, especially if it happened to me. Since then I started to forget about my school, my studies and my friends. One more thing that escaped from my notice was the household of my parents who suddenly deteriorated. That made my suffering was completed.
Tiara called me to talk about our relationship that had been running for one year. I thought Tiara wanted more than this relationship but I was very surprised. She asked me to break her up. I was confused why she asked me to do such thing. She said one sentence that I can not forget until now. “My hero, I will die. My lifespan is only up to 3 months to live. Sooner or later I’ll leave you even though I do not want to. So please fill the request. Promise me, my hero”. I also promised her to grant any request. It turned out she asked me to find a replacement and forget about her. Actually I did not want to but I had already promised to her and I did not like to deny her own promise. I reluctantly agreed with her request. Since then, Tiara disappeared. Her phone number was no longer active. Her home address was lost some where. I felt that I had lost her. I was so sorry to accept that ridiculous request.
After her disappearing, I passed the days with a very sad loneliness. I had a crush and I had to let that feeling go. For weeks, months, and years I waited, hoping that I could find her once again. It was a long wait but there was no bright spot where I could find her. Finally I decided to start a new affair with another girl. “Broken heart would affect us for 1 or 2 days. After that, life must go on,” that’s my principles. The girl I have a new affair with was Shinta. She was from the same high school I studied. She was very good and very affectionate. I started trying to give all my feeling to her and forget Tiara. But honestly, I still could not forget her. After 5 months of having a relationship with Shinta, Tiara slowly disappeared for a while. But I was disappointed because Shinta was not be able to be the replacement of Tiara. My friend told me that Shinta was a tricky one. Indeed, I found out later that she only wanted my money. I didn’t think twice to dump her, before everything went worse.
Separated from Shinta made me remembered Tiara again. For some reasons, only Tiara could understand me. One and a half years had passed since the day I broke up with Tiara. My heart said that she was still alive. I tried to find out about it at my friend who was helping me passed my gift on her birthday. At first he refused but then he would helped me after I begged him again and again. Soon I was able to get new number and home address of Tiara. I was very happy and I immediately phoned her to confirm it. It turned out that my feeling was right, she was still alive. I told her that I had been looking for 2 years and asked her why she immediately vanished without a trace. But she said a painful words. "Sorry… Really, I’ve had a fiancee, so please do not bother me anymore”. I was devastated to hear that. It turned out she's been lying to me, as well as her leukemia illness. It was all a fake. I was really disappointed. I really did not understand how can she played like that just to have an affair with another man. She, as well as her mother, had turned my feeling from respect and trust into extreme hatred. I did not want to see or hear anything about her anymore. All I could do was only regretting my stupidity I did for years. Really, that made me looked stupid all the time. Love is blind, indeed. Yet that blindness should not affect you. In other words, don’t let you get blinded by love.
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